Tavern Time: Mass Madness Malt Matchup Week 3 Coverage!

Hello folks and welcome back to Tavern Time, where Christy ( a craft beer connoisseur) and I (a craft beer noob and trash beer drinker) review random craft beers that catch our eye! For the month of March, we have been covering the Tavern of Tales Mass Madness Malt Matchup. And throughout this battle of the brews we’ve seen underdog stories, disappointing defeats, and clashes of taste buds, but now we’re in the final stretch. A champion will be crowned! With weeks prior, we were doing blind taste tests, and continued to do so during the first half of the week, but as we got to the semi-finals and could tell the difference of beers by just looking at the color of the liquids, we abandoned that idea. Anyways, here’s the coverage.

Quarter-Finals Match 1: Night Shift- Santili vs Small Change- a little rain
Christy: Poop smells good. Poop Poop doesn’t smell like anything. Tasting! Poop…not cold enough.
Beer Ref Nick: I’m sorry!
JP: Hoppy. Poop Poop. Poop…not as unpleasantly hoppy.
Christy: I think Poop Poop is Santili and Poop is a little rain.
Nick: You sure?
Christy: No I’m not sure, I said I think.
JP: I think the opposite.
Christy: Poop tastes citrus-y. All right, they kind of taste the same now. Did you trick us?
Nick: They do taste similarly this round.
Christy: Yeah they taste more similar than I thought they would, though I did say Small Change tastes more like an IPA than a pale ale when we first tasted it.
Nick: Ah. Good to see that that still carries on.
JP: I think I like Poop better.
Christy: I also like Poop better, wow, this is unanimous.
Nick: Well Poop is Small Change and Poop Poop is the Night Shift.
Commentator Victor: Small Change
Mass Madness Malt Matchup Winner: Night Shift Santili

Quarter-Finals Match 2: Jack’s Abby House Lager vs Castle Island American Lager
Christy: Smelling Poop Poop.
JP: How does Poop Poop smell?
Christy: Clean! Poop smells…similar!
JP: Castle Island, which I believe is Poop Poop, since it tastes so American Lager-y-
Christy: I think Jack’s Abby is Poop Poop.
JP: Really?
Christy: Yeah there’s a little more flavor going on in Poop, and I think I remember Castle Island having that.
Nick: So which one do you think you guys like better?
JP: Poop.
Christy: I like the flavor in Poop, but I think I like Poop Poop better under the circumstances of me chugging a drink. I think I just like them better under different circumstances.
JP: But which one do you prefer?
Christy: Poop.
Nick: Jack’s Abby was Poop. Castle Island was Poop Poop.
*cue JP gloating*
Commentator Victor: Jack’s Abby House Lager
Mass Madness Malt Matchup Winner: Jack’s Abby House Lager

Quarter Finals Match 3: Greater Good- Good Night Moon vs Lamp Lighter- Ophelia
Christy: From looking at them I think that Poop Poop is Ophelia and Poop is Greater Good. I kind of like both of them. I like that they’re cold.
Nick: I just remember that Lamplighter had a real strong aftertaste that I wasn’t a fan of.
*Christy looks over at JP*
Christy: You don’t like either of them, do you?
JP: I’m trying to figure out which one is milky.
Nick: You can’t figure it out.
JP: Nope.
Christy: Now I’m not sure which is which now. I like both of them though.
Nick: Before we reveal which one is which, which one do you like better, Poop or Poop Poop? Christy, you like them both equally. JP, you really don’t like either of them.
JP: Yeah. You really summed that up.
Christy: I think I like Poop Poop more.
JP: Okay.
Christy: But I really like both of them, though!
Nick: Well, Greater Good is Poop and Ophelia is Poop Poop. Christy was right.
JP: Neat.
Commentary Victor: Lamplighter-Ophelia
Mass Madness Malt Matchup Winner: Greater Good- Good Night Moon

Quarter Final Match 4: Cisco- Grey Lady vs Mystic- Saison Dutronc
JP: Well this will be easy, just gotta figure out which one smells like the zoo.
Christy: You mean the farmhouse?
JP: Yeah.
Christy: And the other one should taste like tea and herbs.
*We sniff our cups*
Christy: Yeah, Poop is Grey Lady.
Nick: So as we get further along in these matchups it’ll be really easy to differentiate which one is which. So really, I think we’re going stop the blind taste testing after this one.
Christy: I like Saison better. Which is weird because I used to love Grey Lady.
Nick: I like Grey Lady less than the first time I had it.
JP: That happens. But yeah, the Grey Lady really tastes like old lady perfume.
Nick: I think I’d want the Ophelia over this.
JP: Wow. This is a Tavern of Tales first. Nick wanting a porter over a whit. But yeah, Grey Lady tastes like old lady. Saison tastes like the zoo.
Christy: Well I like zoos more than old ladies, so farmhouse ale it is.
Nick: Mystic won this one.
JP: Mhm.
Commentator Victor: Mystic- Saison Dutronc
Mass Madness Malt Matchup Winner: Cisco Grey Lady

Semi-Final Match 1: Night Shift- Santili vs Jack’s Abby House Lager
Christy: I think I like Santili better.
JP: You can really tell which one is an IPA and which one is a lager. And I don’t really like the taste of hops, so of course I’ll root for the Jack’s Abby.
Nick: Well, to me, the lager just tastes like water. I think I almost prefer the stronger one.
Christy: I like them both.
Nick: So which one would you prefer?
Christy: I think I’ll root for the Jack’s Abby, even though I like the Santili more.
JP: Yeah, I know Santili is going to win, but I’m sticking with Jack’s Abby anyways.
Commentator Victor: Jack’s Abby House Lager
Mass Madness Malt Matchup Winner: Night Shift Santili

Semi-Final Match 2: Greater Good- Good Night Moon vs Cisco- Grey Lady (ft. guest judge and collaborator for Mysterium, Collin Barnum)
Christy: Mmm. They’re so cold.
JP: Grey Lady still tastes like old lady.
Nick: It doesn’t smell bad, but when I taste it, it still reminds me of old lady.
Collin: It’s floral like a saison. Kind of. Which is nice. I usually don’t like whits, because whits, they just feel like you’re drinking a beer flavored La Croix. There’s no flavor to them. It’s very watery and thin. That’s why I like brown ales, red ales, and dark ales, but this is good.
Christy: It is good.
JP: And today we consider having Collin be part of the regular Tavern Time cast, because that was the most insightful and informed description of a beer not made by Christy.
Christy: I think we’re learning that I like beers when they’re really ice cold.
Collin: Yeah, cold beer is the best.
Nick: With it being colder, I get less of the floral perfume taste of Grey Lady.
JP: I realize yesterday I said I’d go with the porter, but I think Grey Lady’s won me over.
Collin: Oooh, I like the milk porter. Grey Lady’s hard to get back to after the porter.
Nick: I think I’m gonna have to go with Greater Good.
Christy: Yeah I’m rooting for Greater Good.
Collin: Gonna have to side with the porter on this one.
JP: Wow. This is one of those times where I’m just vastly outnumbered.
Commentator Victor: Greater Good- Good Night Moon
Mass Madness Malt Matchup Winner: Cisco- Grey Lady

FINALS: Night Shift-Santili vs Cisco- Grey Lady
*we taste both drinks*
Christy: Santili tastes delicious.
JP: Tastes cold!
Christy: Very cold! I like the Santili.
JP: Yeah I’m going with Santili.
Christy: Actually, I like both flavors.
JP: I think I’ve gotten to the point where my taste buds recognize an IPA and don’t immediately go, “Oh shitty hops. This is disgusting.” I think I’ve finally matured as a beer drinker.
Christy: Through out the Mass Madness Malt Matchup?
JP: Yeah.
Christy: And do you think you’ve matured as a drinker too, Nick?
Nick: Yeah. I think I can actually finish a porter now.
Christy & JP: Wow!
JP: A lot of growth happening-
Nick: Depending on the porter.
JP: So, as the Mass Madness Malt Matchup comes to a close-
Christy: Culminates! We need more m’s.
JP: Oh…ok. Um…we realize that out of all of this, that one singular beer shall be a winner, but really the winner was all of us, slowly growing and becoming better beer drinkers.
Christy: You sound like you’re giving a commencement speech.
JP: Cause I am.
Christy: Commencement. More m’s!
JP: Why?
Christy: Anyways, here here! Even though I didn’t grow at all as a beer drinker.
JP: Well, Nick and I did, so there’s that.
Nick: Cheers to a fun experiment. We drank a lot of beers.
JP & Christy: Cheers!
Commentator Victor: Night Shift- Santili
Mass Madness Malt Matchup Champion: Cisco- Grey Lady

And with that, Tavern of Tales’ first Mass Madness Malt Matchup has come to a close. We would like to congratulate Cisco- Grey Lady on their victory, and would also like to thank everyone in the community that placed their predictions and helped vote for matchups on our Insta-story. We hope you had a great time!